woodlot4's picture

5 year old acting out

Hi, I'm new and looking for some advice.  I have a wonderful 5 year old boy who is sweet as can be most of the time. He can be very angry and aggressive at times however and I can't figure out why.  When he was a bit younger we had trouble training him to go to bed and at times I spanked him after I had warned him several times and he kept coming out of his room.  He still did it however and I didn't feel that continued spanking was going to do any good and I don't want that to be our discipline.

So, here's the current story. For many months I have been very patient with him and we have tried very hard to be sure and give him positive attention often.  He has a 1 year old sister so we have been careful to give him "Colton" time. He started Kindergarten this year and his teacher says he does pretty well overall but is aggressive with the other children at times. doesn't keep his hands to himself all the time. ( I understand she means just reaches for what he wants or wrestles with other kids during class). Otherwise he is well behaved

At home: In the mornings he seems to always give his mother a hard time. he is grumpy and says he does not want to go to school. late running to the bus at times or needs to be driven other days. Says he hates school and doesn't want to go.

Every night without fail he says he is hungry. If he did not eat much for dinner then we sometimes will allow healthy snacks like carrots and apples.  If he has had enough we tell him to go to sleep but he tries it every night.

Is it all normal? My wife says we need super nanny. One thing I worry about with all of it is that if it goes too far and he really acts up a lot i'll spank his hands or bottom (not terribly hard) then he cries a little, hugs us and then is happy.  Complete turn around.  It almost seems like he craves a spanking.  I don't want that!  How do I retrain him?

-Worried dad

tamz's picture

Well, I believe you should be more consitent. If it is bedtime, it is not snacktime. He should never be allowed a snack at bedtime (no matter how much he had for dinner) and then he will stop expecting it. I believe that if you are not consistent on this then your probably not consistent on other things. I've seen enough episodes of super nanny to know being consistent is important.

I don't think that spaking a child who is being aggressive is logical. If someone does something he does not approve of then should he hit them? Practice what you preach and teach your child to talk about issues. There are other punishments that are much more effective. Read some of the conversations here about spanking, you will get some great feedback.

Try preparing his clothes and backpack the nigh before. It is easier to get out of the house when the schedule is always the same. If he is better prepared, it will be an easier transiton. Also, make sure to wake him up in a positive manner. Make it a rule (for everyone) to keep the conversation as positive as possibe in the mornings. Don't feed into his negativity by getting frustrated.

Two things are so important:
1. Be consistent
2. Have schedules

pbmax's picture

I can truly identify! Our five year old has ADHD and his behavior can be sweet one minute and aggressive the next. What we have found to help is as follows:
1. At bed time we have a routine which we
follow rigidly. After he is in his PJ's,
we read 3 books. Then we stay with him
for 20-30 minutes. We set a timer and
when it goes off we leave him to go to
sleep (he cannot argue with the timer).
2. When we give our children a directive it
is always stated as: "XXXX, you need to
____ right now." If they do not
respond/do as they are told, the
directive is repeated indicating how much
time they have to comply and what the
consequence will be: "XXXX, you need to
___ right now, before I count to 5 or you
will have a time out." If we have to
count, they are usually doing as they
were asked by the time we get to 3.
3. When our children are upset, we let them
know that we understand why they are
upset: "You are feeling _____ because
____." If their tantrum continues, this
is usually repeated until they reallize
we are listening. They then begin to
tell us why they are upset by using words
instead of acting out.

I hope this will help you...

nana911's picture

My 5 year old grandson lives with us, the majority of the time.For the most part he is a wonderful child. His mother and stepfather divorced last year.She is back with his biological father(who has never been in the childs life since he was born)The biological father had spent time in jail and pretty much denied the child.So, now his mother (my daughter) and biological dad are together. The 5 year old was great in kindergarten.School is out and he has turned into a totally different child,his grandfather and I are at out wits end.He has become aggressive,mouthy and just does not want to listen to anyone. Yesterday, I worked and came home,my 5 year old grandson met me at the door with tears in his eyes and stated he had a really bad day. I stopped immediately gave him a hug and kiss, and told him some days are like that.I asked him what was going on and why he felt this way.He preceded to tell me he missed his real dad(his stepfather) as he has been with my grandson since he was born.I again hugged him and told him, we would call his dad, and he could talk to him, I also explained to him,that his dad(stepfather)works alot,and when he calls my grandson doesn't always take time to talk to him. He does not have the father son bond with his biological dad, due to the past.The biological dad is trying to make things up to my grandson,but it is not working.What else do I do? My daughter calls me in tears, over 5 year olds behavior and my husband and I don't know what else to do. Can anyone please give me some advise.All is welcomed.