2 families, 2 parenting styles. Help.
I am new to this group. I found this while searching for advice, help, anything, on how to go about coming together as one and setting rules for our kids.
I am a divorced mom with three kids aged 13, 11 and 5. My boyfriend is a widow and a father of 3 as well, aged 17,14 and 10. His wife was killed 3 years ago, and the kids have had no discipline since, as the mom was the disipliner and he has felt sorry for them.
My problem is we bought a house and will be moving in this summer. My kids have rules, his kids to not. His oldest daughter has her boyfriend over and they are sexually active, in the house, and makes it known. I don't like that one bit, as there are younger children involved here. That's my only problem with the oldest. The middle daughter, she is on the computer/cell phone texting 24 hours a day. Ok, well, the computer automatically shuts off at 11pm, so she's on there till then. Cell phone goes off all hours of the night. My kids have limits as i don't think constant use is healthy. I like them to get out. Also, when she breaks curfew, which is 12am on weekends, she does not have consequences. He tells her he was waiting up for her and that's that. Meanwhile, he keeps me up by worrying about her and pacing the floor. I have explained my concerns with him and figure that we should nip this in the butt before we are in one house, but he doesn't think that's necessary. I have problems with my kids as well, they are messy and loud, but i am trying really hard to work on that with them now. Do you think it will be fair to my children that they have rules and his kids get a way with murder? Should the kids all have the same rules and consequences? I just don't have any other way of telling him this stuff as i have tried to explain. Also, he really favors his kids, which ya ok, they are his kids. But one, he makes my daughter stay home to babysit his son while he lets his daughter go skiing...hmmm not fair. And the new house, the oldest got to pick a room first so i think my oldest should pick next right? Nope, both his kids get to pick rooms, mine get left over. He is paying for the house, but I will be paying half of all the bills, so i think it should be concidered our house, and I am scared his kids will take control.
Anyone have any advice for me. I would really appreciate examples from real life situations too. Anything.