nandsri26's picture

Very Shy Preschooler

Hello all,


I have a 4 year old. She is very shy at her montessori that she has not spoken a word with anyone in the last 8 months. She is happy and content in school. She eats and plays by herself. At home she is the opposit, she laughs , plays, and demands stuff, and very funny!!

She knows to read letters, write her name and much more.

Whats going on with her. Please help.

blog.roetina's picture

If you are/were a stay-at-home mom with her and she has not until now been used to being around other kids, then it is a social issue. Simply solved with play dates so she can make friends with one of your girlfriend's children. Or before she goes to school, tell her you will be with her watching over her shoulder like an angel. Therefore, if the teacher asks her a question she can pretend and feel comforted in knowing you are with her. It is important for her to develop social skills at school. Maria Montessori never patented her brand of schooling so really any school can label themselves as a Montessori school without using true authentic Montessori methods. Or maybe the Montessori method is not the right type of school for your daughter. Maybe she needs a regular excellent private preschool that allows for more social interaction instead of only individual activities. There is a school out there just right for your daughter. I professionally as a Child Development Expert and Professor of Child Development and Early Education do not believe this school is a good match for your daughter.

nandsri26's picture

My daughter has been in school since she was about 2 years old. And it has been the same. She joined this new school about 9 months back. I am a stay at home mom.

The teachers seem to be pretty friendly and trying hard to make her feel comfortable. She likes her teacher.

I feel there is something stopping her from communicating. Her teacher says , she opens her mouth to talk and thenstops.My daughter herself says that she is shy to talk.

pokey's picture

I'm wondering if it could be what is called "selective mutism". I don't think we are allowed to post links here, but if you google it, you will find much information on this.

One site says, "Do you know a child who can talk freely at home but appears frozen in other settings like at school or out in public? Do you know a child who seems so shy that they take a very long time to warm up in social situations, if at all? Does it seem out of the normal range of shyness you observe in other children? If so, you may know a child with Selective Mutism and you’ve come to the right place."

Does that sound like what you are observing?

I also think I might consult the pediatrician about this. He may be able to steer you to some good resources in your area to help your daughter with this.

Does her current school have a speech language pathologist? If not, maybe you can go to your local public school and inquire about one. I think they would be a good place to start.

concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

My son is 4 and similar to your daughter. At home he's an entirely different child. In school, though, he tends to play by himself, or if he does play w/ the other kids, he's very quiet. Just the other day, though, I went to pick him up, and he was laughing w/ another little boy. I was thrilled to see this b/c now I feel he just needed time to open up. Some kids are like that. We also started having more friends over the house which has helped. It seems w/ my son that he is more social in one-on-situations and once he's gotten to know the other child a little better.
Try playdates and other after school activities w/ your daughter. This may help her warm up to the other kids in a more relaxing atmosphere. I also heard recently about a book called, "Social Stories" by Carol Gray. It's used w/ kids who have autism and who struggle in social situations. The book lists daily activities and gives suggestions on how to handle them. You can try that. I just ordered it for my son. He's not autistic, but I thought it still might help him. I'm sure in time, though, your daughter will open up and be just fine. Good luck!