mike's picture
mike

i need your help

HELLO MY NAME IS MIKE I HAVE A 12YO SON IN 7TH GRARD WHO HAS HAD TROUBLE IN SCHOOL DOING HIS WORK. HE DOES NOT DO MUCH IN CLASS AND DOES NOT DO HOMEWORK . HE HAS MADE ALL F'S LAST YEAR BUT PLACE HIGH ON THE I-LEAP SO THEY PASSED HIM TO THE 7TH GRADE. LAST FRIDAY HE WAS YELLING IN SOMEKIDS FACE AND WAS TOLD TO STOP . HE GO VERY UPSET AND THE TEACHER TOLD HIM TO GO TO THE THE OFFICE HE DID NOT SO SHE GRABED HIM BY THE ARM AND HE HIT HER ONT HE ARM AND THE HAND  TO MAKE HER LET GO THAT SHE WAS HURTING HIM. HE IS NOW CHARGED WITH BATTERY ON A TEACHER AND WAS SENT TO PASS . I TOOK HIM OUT OF SCHOOL TO HOME SCHOOL HIM . BUT I DONT KNOW IF THATS IS A GOOD IDEA. . FIRST SHOLD I GO AFTER THE TEACHER WHO GRABED HIM AND SHOULD I JUST LET HIM GO TO PASS. HE IS SPECIAL NEEDS AND I DONT THINK THIS WOULD BE  GOOD FOR HIM. ANY IDEAS WILL HELP THANKS MIKE



windyh111's picture
windyh111

Hi Mike, If it were me in this situation, I would probably try placing my child in another school, public or private. But if that is not an option, I would probably consider homeschooling.  As for the teacher, I would make my child apologize and I would also suggest that my child be placed in another classroom.  With all due respect, it sounds like there may be some anger built up in your child.  I would probably get with the school counselor on how to help my child be more aware of his actions prior to acting on emotions. I would suggest them to come up with some type of plan that is specifically designed to help my child be more productive in school and more responsible.  The bottom line is there will always be something in life that will try to slow you down or hinder you but you gotta learn how to deal with situations as they come and not run.  Communication plays a big role but team work seals the deal. 

lanie's picture
lanie

Your son has such a bad opinion of himself, that the only way he can cope with his frustration is to lash out at others.  His difficulty in school should have been addressed when he got his FIRST F! Now he is charged with battery, because in addition to every thing else, he totally disrespected authority! Has anyone ever mentioned to this boy that his behavior is his responsibility!!!! I do not think the teacher should drop the charges because this kid needs a little dose of reality before he becomes an uncontrollable burdan on society.  Homeschooling only works if the parents are dedicated and put in the time.  Sounds like that has not worked so far. 

*Keep him in school.

*Make him appologize to the teacher and tell him it's about time he show her a little respect!

*Take him to court and explain that he has to face and pay for what he did.

*Talk to the teacher and ask for her help.  

*Then get this kid to the school counselor or  psychologist and make a commitment to follow the advice that you are given! 

He made choices to get F's.  Hitting his teacher was more an inappropriate response, however, how will he ever learn about consequence if he isn't  made to pay for the consequences of his decisions?  His ability to be a productive member of society is far more important than the grades issue. Eventually, he is going to do more than just battery!!! What is his special need???  Whether he is special needs or not, why would taking his to pass be a bad thing...? He did a bad thing.

lremmell's picture
lremmell

Personally, I would do two things:

1.  Get your son some help and if possible some type of therapy.  He needs to build his self asteem and get more confident that he can be successful in school and in life.   Home schooling him sounds great, but you must make some hard and fast rules about how you will conduct his education at home.  Plus you'll need to find some way to continue having him socialize with children his own age.

 

2.  Get the teacher to admit that they were wrong in grabbing your son's arm and making a threatening gesture.

sdblasi's picture
sdblasi

Mike,

The first thing that I noticed was your comment that your son is special needs. What diagnosis does he have and is he on medication?

Does he have an IEP and does the school work with him? How involved are you with your son and school. If he is special needs then he has to have a lot more help than "normal" student and school. The others are correct in that he has to be held accountable for his actions, but he also needs the help in controlling his emotions, ie counselling and behavior management.

Let me know what is happening...

sdb

gail Hanson's picture
gail Hanson

Go in to your son's Special Ed consultant (even if he's mainstreamed, I think you have someone who is a Special Ed specialist) and find out what curriculum he has already mastered.  I'd be willing to bet that he's frustrated because the school staff keeps requiring him to do stuff that they haven't succeeded in teaching him how to do.  That song that "He's smart enough to do the work, but he just doesn't do it,"   leaves out the verse that says "We haven't taken the necessary effort and patience to teach him how to do it." 

I've got six kids, the first two I left in school, the others I've home-schooled from time to time. 

Find out what level of achievement your boy has learned, then get curriculum materials that start where your boy actually is.  There are some good programs for teaching social development, too.  

My school district has a home-school consultant that is supposed to help us with these things.  You might have to be insistent that they meet your agenda, not their own agenda. 

chriscnaz's picture
chriscnaz

My advice is similar to some of the others; when you say he is special needs is it possible that those special needs are related to communication or frustration tolerance? 

If he is eligible as a student with disabilites, you need to request in writing a functional behavior assessment and positive behavior support plan.  He needs to be taught what to do, not only told what not to do!

Behavior is need driven, discovering what need is being met by the behavior is key to replacing it with something that is acceptable.

Could the increase in frustration be related to the F's in that he is not getting the individualized education he needs related to his disability?  Maybe he isn't undertanding the expectations or instructions which results in the failing grades then being reprimanded for something he has no control over?

Whether you feel the school can still meet his needs or you need to change school is a question only you know the answer to, whichever you decide meeting with the IEP team to discuss concerns, both failing grades and behaviors is paramount to helping him.

chriscnaz's picture
chriscnaz

Lanie -

You are making a lot of assumptions based on limited information, things are not always as they appear.

Most children do not choose to make failing grades, failing grades are often a result of a specific problem that hasn't been addressed.

What if he has sensory issues and was actually being hurt?  What if he is reacting to the teacher or other students who are instigating the situations then he is being blamed for the outcome?  There are too many what ifs to make some of the accusations without all the pertient information.  There are processes in place to deal with these issues and they should be followed to address to safety concerns and set realistic expectations and consequences ( positive and negative) for behaviors.

Bel's picture
Bel

I have a son with special needs as well. He has asd and adhd. Its important children learn right from wrong so i would get him to say sorry for his actions. I would also find the right school with special ed teacher for your child. Once i did that my son started doing so much better. Special needs kids shouldn't get homework if they did alot of work at school. Special kids have a limit. They may need regular counsilling with someone with alot of patience to express themselves. I hope this helps goodluck.