mtownmom's picture
mtownmom

I need other options and opinions about this!!!

Hello,  I'm new to this site and feel that this maybe a very good tool to use in helping me see other opinions about some issues that I am experienceing with my dauther who is 8 years old.

First, I am a single parent and my daughter and I have just moved. Prior to us moving she had to be separated from me for 3 months before we were reunited for the move.  Now, although we are new to this community she's had the opportunitity to get some what adjusted to her new surroundings before the school year started.  Since the school year has started I've had to make repeated visits to her school due to her either hitting, or having some type of situation.  Because this is behavor that I've never experienced with her before, I've made it my business to met with the school conselour to get a better understanding.  He asked verbally to be able to pull her out of class when these occurance happen and speak with her by himself. 

Well, when he does, she tells me as well as I ask, what do they talk about.  in addition to talking about what had occur he ask questions such as if she gets spankings, and how many licks and if there were any marks left.  Well what bothered me was that it seems that my choice to spank is oviously not his and he wants to create something that is not there.

In our last meeting I expressed to him that I will help him help her, he continued to push the issue on different methods of punishments he even went as far as to give me information about effective parenting with most of the literture concerning when parents get angry, or hitting as a parent etc, etc.  Although the spankings that she gets has been less than 6 times in the 8 years that she has been alive, i agreed to change my methods but I think that this is a ploy to start some type of alegation against me.  I could be over reacting or maybe not.

I feel have a very loving daughter who has a great relationship with me (I think) could this turn against me and him try to implicate the fact that my daughter is hitting at school is because he thinks she is getting mis treated at home?  What to do?  This whole ordeal is causing her to cry often because she obviously think that she has to deal with this problem.

 

 



gail Hanson's picture
gail Hanson

I haven't met your counselor, so I can't totally tell you that everything is fine, but in my experience, as long as they are talking to you about alternative strategies for punishment, and you are generally using other forms of discipline, you are okay.

If you can manage it, get her in a martial arts class, Akido, Karate, something like that.  Be sure that her Sensei is the kind that will kick you out of the program if you start a fight.

Sometimes when my kids (I've raised 6) were hitting people at school, it was because other tactics (just ignore it, tell them you don't like it, tell the teacher) had already been tried and they hadn't worked.  Utilize the school counselor to foster appropriate communication with your child's peers and their parents. (scuse the graduate school words) 

I don't know if your kid is acting out just because of the recent stress, or because of separate problems with kids at school, but it's likely a combination of the two.  A lot of times kids cope really well during the worst of the stress, and act out when things feel more secure to them.