panco's picture
panco

Dealing with Anger

My ds is having a hard time dealing with anger. We have tried counting, we have tried closing his eyes and thinking of something happy. He has never hit nor does he have the urge to, just gets red in the face. Sometime it takes quite a while for him to feel better. He has had 3 incidents at school this year already and I want to find something to help him deal with it. It mostly happens when he has to change clips( he is 6 and in 1st grade)or gets in trouble for something he did not do. Any suggestions would help.

ylip's picture
ylip

Hi: I am also dealing with my 6 year old anger. He is in second grade and lately he had some outburst at home and in school for little things. I am worry b/c my mom died 2 yrs ago and a month later I had another baby. Ever since then his behavior change. He is happy at times but at other times I find him crying for his grandma. I thought time heals but just last wk he was again crying for his grandma. I tried explaining the best I can but I think he is still dealing with grief. He loves his brother very much but I know he gets upset at times b/c his daddy gives lots of attention to the little one. Does anyone have any ideas how can I help my son? I feel guilty at times b/c I am always pushing him with school work. He is the youngest in the class and seemed that it is a lot of pressure for him. Academically he does well but his behavior is getting worse. Any suggestions ?please. Thank you 

chriscnaz's picture
chriscnaz

panco - Marti has some good insights.

He needs to understand that everyone gets angry, it's what you DO when you are angry that makes a difference. 

Role play some of the situations at home and help him come up with something he can do when he gets angry - phsycial activity is usually great but not always doable at school- how about writing or drawing what is making him angry?   Have him come up with ideas of what makes  him feel better when he's angry.  It sounds like he gets angry when things are out of his control, give him some control back in helping to decide what to do when he gets angry.

 What about helping him to identify "I am angry because........." and maybe work out with the teacher a chance for him to tell her why he  is angry, maybe expressing it will help him get over it more quickly.  Maybe a place he can have quiet time when he's angry rather than being in front of others which may be embarrassing.  Talk to the school counselor, I'm sure he isn't the first child to do this.  Also make sure to praise him when he is able to handle his anger or situations that would make him angry.

ylip

Some of the above may help your son too, but dealing with the changes in his life may make it more difficult for him.  Have you considered some counseling to process missing grandma and the new baby?   If he still isn't able to "get over it" like you feel he should then you might want to think of some alternatives.  The school counselor may be able to help or you may want to look in the community for a counselor to help.  It sounds like he has a lot of mixed up emotions that he doesn't know what to do with.  ( He loved grandma but is mad or sad because she is gone, loves little brother, but doesn't like not getting the attention, misses being an only or the baby - these are a lot of conflicting emotions to try and understand and deal with.)