Me_Dee's picture
Me_Dee

Bullying at school

Hi all,

I'm new here and hoping to get some advice.  I also would like to help others in any way I can.  I have 7th grader with In-Attentive ADD.  She does not have severe problems and does not need to be medicated but is on a 504 plan which we may discontinue in High School if she continues to do well academcially.  She is very bright and for the most part does well academically.  No one knows about the ADD but her teachers and the staff.  She doesn't do anything strange or out of the ordinary but is having a very hard time with the kids this year.  

It seems that there is a very big clique in my daughter's 7th grade class and she isn't and really doesn't want to be a part of it because they are so mean.  She does however just want to get along with everyone.  From what she tells me, they are a shallow, self centered, mean spirited group of kids that enjoy picking on people.  Unfortunately, they have targeted my daughter.  This year she had the misfortune in some of her classes not to have a single one of her friends in the class.  She talks to no one in these classes and the clique takes advantage.  They make snide coments, give her cold stares, laugh and  have called her ugly, barked at her and also alienated her. She is a pretty and bright girl and it just hurts me so much to see her going through this. I just don't understand it.  Her 3rd quarter physed class was the worst when a whole group of nasty girls picked on her daily and sometimes threw balls at her.  I finally had the teaching staff get involved and keep an eye out. Thank goodness her friends were back with her the following marking period. She does have a small group of friends and she tells me that they are the few nice people in the school.  Unfortunately she got seperated a lot from them this year.  

The group in my daughter's Science class has been the one of the worst.  When her Science teacher allowed the children to choose groups, she was the only one left out. She was mortified.  It's just heart breaking how cruel this group of kids is and it seems that they make up a large part of the 7th grade student body.  I had a meeting with the guidance counselor and the Science teacher after this happened.  He even agreed that it's a "tough class" and is keeping an eye out for problems.  He was even able to name my daughter's two biggest tormentors immediately off of the top of his head without me even mentioning who they are. I have worked with the guidance counselor and she is going to be sure that they are not in any of her classes next year.  She tells me she doesn't want to go back there next year so we are trying to figure out what to do.  

I'm hoping there is someone here who can give me some advice on this type of situation.  I'm so sad for my daughter and want to help her.  She knows how much I care and that she has my support.  I just want so much for her to feel comfortable in school.  Sorry for such a long post. Thanks so much for reading it if you made it through to the end.   Dee



steinart's picture
steinart

We spent years in youe shoes in various grade levels, however, the 5th thru 7th grades are the worst. Other than teaching your child coping skills there is unfortunately not much the school systems do with this type of meaness and intimidation. It's not as if someone called her an obscene name or punched her in front of a teacher.

I spent the entire year last year in my girl scout troop dealing with the bullying. My girls all go to different schools, so our meetings became a secure sounding board. Often each of the girls had experienced the same thing and shared how they handled that particular experience. We also read several books where all points of view (the bully, the victim, the bystander, etc.) were explained.

I also brought to their attention some of their behaviors and comments that provoked or enraged their classmates. Many times, the girls in my troop did not realize how their words or actions hurt others. They were playing around or meant it as a joke, but it was interpretted as bulling and meanness. At this age, many teens are not aware of the consequences of their actions. Regardless of their upbringing, this happens across the board. I often have to step in a make my own two daughters (aged 9 and 13) realize how what they just said or did hurt someone's feelings. By the same token, I often have to help them to learn to walk away. I know it sounds strange, but your child cannot control who is in her class or rid the school of all the bullies, but she can learn to control how she reacts outwardly and the degree to which she gets upset in public. Whenever possible, simply disengaging and removing yourself from the situation will decrease the bullying.

If my oldest daughter does not react (and rises above) her sister's taunts and triggers, it is no longer fun for my 9 year old and she finds something else to do.

Hope you find a solution!

Me_Dee's picture
Me_Dee

Thanks so much for your replies.  I really can't wait for the school year to end.  It hurts me to send her off every morning not knowing what kind of day she is going to have.  She keeps saying to me that she doesn't want to go back there next year.  How can I send her back to a place that she feels unwelcome and tormented.  My heart breaks for her.  I have come up with one type of solution to this bullying.  I wrote an anonymous letter describing everything that is going on in the Middle School.  I didn't specifically identify anyone or anything but simply brought attention to the fact that it is going on and what kind of bullying it is.  I also put resources and website addresses about bullying  in the letter.  I suggested that the school have some programs and show some films on bulllying to the students and staff.  I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do but I want to send it to our Board of Education.  I wrote in the letter that I want them to know what is going on in our school system and that I think the issue should be addressed.  Do you think this is a good idea?  Maybe it really will prompt the school to implement a program that helps to discourage bullying.  


jennyallen13's picture
jennyallen13

kids in school that are popoular thinks it ok that to bully other kids who are clever at maths and english the really braine kids if they bully kids it should be taken to headteacher(teacher) or parents and it will be sorted if it carrys on stick up for themself and they wont do it again so who agrees with me.