Nalansor's picture
Nalansor

Your experiences with Open Adoption?

Hello,

We recently adopted our son from my husband's blood-related neice, and we have an open adoption.  That means our son will grow up knowing me as Mommy and "Anna" as Birth mom.  Many people are rather terrified of this set up, mainly because they think birthmom will interfere, try to take the child back, etc.,  but that's not the case (all the time).  Most birthmoms who place their child and take the time to find parents do love that child and want what is best for that child--which means placing with adoptive parents and then staying out of the parenting process.  Pictures, visits, etc., are what the birthmoms want the most.  At least that is the case with Anna and all the other birthmoms I have met through the adoption process.

So far our experience has been an excellent one, surrounded by love.  If we adopt again, we most certainly would do an open adoption mainly for the child's sake but also for the birthmom's sake.

Our situation is a bit peculiar, however, because we agreed to help Anna become self-sustaining.  Somewhere along the line, she interpreted that to mean "take care of her forever."  Most adoptive parents won't have to deal with this situation because they aren't related to the birthmom, but we are. 

My husband, parents, and I have had to tell Anna some hard truths about the reality of her situation--we're hear to help her as long as she is helping herself.  Which she really hasn't been doing.  She has played the "baby" card with the attitude that we owe her...even though she has been receiving financial help from various agencies for women and the adoption agency itself.  We are hoping that with some tough love she'll get her act in gear and be the independent young woman she said she wanted to be.  Till then, lots of prayer.  Still, I don't regret the open adoption and I would do it again. 

Does anyone want to comment/share your experiences?  Or just have a discussion about open adoption?



lisamizellweaver's picture
lisamizellweaver

I have 4 adopted children. Three were adopted through the welfare system but our daughter is also a blood relative. She was adopted at 9 years old. She had stayed with us off and on from the age of 5. At age 9 her mother finally consented to the adoption. She didn't want her before but wanted her check. It was only after we promised to keep providing her the income that she consented to the adoption.

We raised this wonderful girl. We NEVER had any problems or rebellions. She did go through the normal "why doesn't my mom love me?" stage. But, honestly, we gave her loving answers and she over come all of it.

She has been married now for 11 years and has 7 children of her own.

Our adoption experience have all been really good.

Lisa