adoptivegrandma's picture
adoptivegrandma

Open adoption

It seems that every time I read about the "pros and cons" of open adoption all the talk is about the birth mother and the adoptive couple. What about the rest of the family involved; grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. If the adoption involves a newborn, perhaps the extended family hasn't gotten to him/her yet. But what about a child that has been in foster care and gets adopted? If it's a closed adoption and nothing is set up ahead of time with the Department of Child and Family Services, the extended family may never see the child again until they are 18. Adoptive parents seem the think they have to "rescue" the child from "that family." Just because the parents made a mistake or just cannot parent, doesn't mean the whole family is at fault. I believe that in whatever way possible a child should have contact with his/her family. That way they can know their heritage, little family stories and traditions. The child doesn't have to wonder.



concerned mom's picture
concerned mom

I agree w/ what you're saying, but I believe it's the right of the 2 parties (the birth parents and the adoptive parents) to make that decision. If an agreement can't be made, then the adoption shldn't take place. Finding the right match can be tough, but I'm sure the birth parents don't take the decision lightly (in most cases, anyway).
If I was giving up a child for adoption, I probably wld want an open adoption, but then again I've never been in that position, so I can't really say for sure. Everyone's situation is different. As far as the extended family goes, I feel for them. Unfortunately, though, unless they're adopting the child, they don't really have a say in the process. I can understand this. It's not their decision to make.
In my opinion, I think a lot of adoptive families are afraid of open adoption. There's always that chance that the birth mother can change her mind, or otherwise interfere later on when the adoptive family wants to be left alone. I'm sure they want what's best for their child, but they may feel the birth parents cld cause confusion in the child's life.
The real question here is what is best for the child, and also why doesn't the child have rights to a say in the matter? I had a friend growing up who was adopted, and she always wondered who her birth parents were. I haven't seen her in yrs, but I often wonder if she ever tried to locate her bio family.
There's so many emotions involved and so many things to consider. Regardless, the law is the law, so whatever the families' decision, it shld be made carefully. As for the other family members, the law isn't always fair, but it is the law.

lovebeach's picture
lovebeach

I have adopted two children at birth. They are now 12 and 14. One is closed and the other open. My son (open) has had a lot of psychological issues concerning being given up by bio parents. My daughter (closed) has not had any issues what so ever concerning adoption. She has never asked about her bio parents. They are both black and our bio family is white. That has not been an issue at all to either children or our bio children. We love them just the same as our bio children. There is no difference as to how we feel about them.
I believe open adoption is about the birth parent feeling better and NOT about the child. In my educated opinion; closed adoption is FAR better for the child than open adoption.

my03mazda's picture
my03mazda

Hello! :) I gave my daughter up for adoption the day she was born 2 years ago. It was an open adoption. you mentioned " There's always that chance that the birth mother can change her mind " and that is not the case. The day the birth mother signs those papers giving custody of the child to the state, ( to be later awarded to the chosen adoptive parents ) that's it. It's final. You can not go back and undo it or get your rights back. Open or closed adoption.

my03mazda's picture
my03mazda

To lovebeach-

I'm sorry that your son has had problems with the adoption. He shoudln't have to go through that. No kid should. I do have to say though....I gave my daughter up for adoption 2 years ago and it is an open adoption. I see that you fancy the closed adoption process better. Every adopted child baby,toddler,school age...all ages...handle this differently. I did not choose to have an open adoption to " make me feel better"! I chose it because NO MATTER WHAT....I want to be apart of my child's life. I am her biological mother and that's something that will never be taken from me. Every adoption situation is different and have different reasonings behind them. My reasoning is that the house I was in was literally falling apart,we had roaches,crackheads next door,electricity shut off and the father ( who I left before I even knew I was pregnant ) was an alcoholic and thats why I left him.

my03mazda's picture
my03mazda

I couldn't work because with each of my pregnancies...I was high risk. I worked for a short while even though I was not supposed to. I tried everything to make it better so I wouldn't have to give her up. It didn't work. I did not want my daughter growing up in that filth or around those kind of people or in that enviroment. I gave her up to a VERY VERY loving couple. They were put on earth just for my daughter I believe. My daughter will NEVER have to "want" or "need" anything in her life now and that makes me smile! I chose open adoption because when she understands it all and she has questions...I want her to know that she can come to me with any question she has and I will answer them all. Only I can answer her questions. Nobody else. Atleast when she knows it's open...she will know I atleast cared enough to still be in her life in any way possible!!

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Third party wants should never supersede the rights of the parents, natural or adoptive.

my03mazda's picture
my03mazda

true SnglDad. I agree. I understand that in some cases....the rest of the family still wants to have something to do with the child but while their intentions are good...they must realize the harsh fact about it.That is....that what they want...does not matter UNLESS the adoptive parents agree. Even then they can revoke that at anytime. It is strictly between the bio parents/s the adoption agency and the new parents. The extended family does NOT have rights to any child but their own.

billyx's picture
billyx
These are statistics ranging from 2007-2008. The amount of overseas adoptions has been drastically halted by U.N. laws, which started being passed from 2000-2006, protecting poor families overseas from the huge demand for adoptable children (especially infants) from the U.S. The demand inside the United States for children that have no attachments has outgrown it's "supply."
billyx's picture
billyx
In 2008, a new law was signed by President Bush giving cash incentives to people adopting children from the U.S., giving foster homes double the amount of funding, and giving more Title IV funding to child welfare agencies. This has made some children service state agencies to become overly agressive in removing children from homes across the U.S., and adopting those children to new homes, especially children under the age of 2. The law passed in 2008, Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008, has had a big impact on families that are struggling with the recession. Also with the recent epidemic of opiate abuse in the U.S., those adoption numbers will dramatically increase for 2012 and 2013. And with the middle class epidemic of bank foreclosures, they are just now starting to remove children from homes of middle and working class families.
billyx's picture
billyx
The federal government is just now requesting the States to track all adoptions and provide proper numbers. Unfortunately, to this date, the U.S. government has realized too late that families rights are being infringed on by some States since 2008. The law has actually created a whole new industry in the U.S. While some might consider it being humanitarian, others consider it exploiting humanity. The U.N. council has also started making notes on U.S. policies regarding adoption methods.