kgossett's picture
kgossett

My EX wants her new husband to adopt my son

Here is my story. 34 years old I was divorced back in 2001, had 1 child from that marriage(son). Found out later that she was cheating on me with the guy she is married to now. Since then they have moved back and forth to kentucky. which is where they live now. the job i had back home was paying enough for me to travel all the time back and forth to kentucky. I met my new wife almost 2 yrs ago, when we got married my son was not to happy with that, because after the divorce i told him it was going to be just me and him. well as you know by now i am married and i have a daughter on the way. which brings me to this. my ex called over the weekend and said to me that my 11 yr old son wants to be adopted by the step dad. her other reasoning was that if something happens to her she does not want my son to go to me. I told her no that this was not acceptable and i will not sign the papers which then she said she can take me to court and raise my child support. i now live in illinois and have a good job, but i am having a terrible time with this because i do not come from a divorce family and i do not know what my son is going through because he doesnt want to talk to me. i am scared and upset that my ex is saying that my son wants this. not only does it mean that he will no longer by law be my son but it wipes out my whole family as well. my ex said all i am doing is thinking of myself but i am not i am thinking of my family and how much they love him.



SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Kgossett, this is not in your sons best interest. Try exchanging emails with your ex to see if she will say the same things in writing that she has said in phone calls. I would even send her an email telling her that you have thought about what she was proposing, and just want to know why she thinks it would be best for your son to be adopted by her new husband. Her actions constitute parental alienation, and this type of behavior is frowned upon by the courts. I know that the state I live in, parental alienation is grounds for a modification of the parenting plan. Under no circumstances would I allow this to happen, but I would play along in order to allow her enough rope to hang herself. For her to say that this is what the child wants, suggests that she has had discussions with the child about being adopted. I would get as much info from her, in writing, and would go after her for parental alienation. Your son is confused right now because of the things that are being told to him. He may be angry, but he will get over it when he realizes what is really going on. The things that he see’s now, he will later judge through the eyes of an adult. This tactic your ex is using may come back to bite her in the long run. No matter what, never give up on your son. I wish you and your son well.

2xstepmom's picture
2xstepmom

Agree with previous post. My son at that age wanted his step-dad to adopt him, and as an adult has stated he is glad we said no to the idea.

kgossett's picture
kgossett

I agree with you 100% about the parental alienation. Last night they had my son call me and tell me that I am only thinking of myself and not respecting his wishes. He said a lot of things no 11 yr old would say. He said he didn't feel safe with me and he doesn't feel comfortable around my new wife. The whole time we talked I told him over and over that I love him and i didn't want to loose him. He would reply that the adoption papers were only papers and that i will always be his son in his heart. For a long time i had a feeling that he was going through this parental alienation but i didn't want to believe it, now I know it has to be true.

SnglDad's picture
SnglDad

Kgossett, it sounds as if your son has been brainwashed. I would not discuss any aspects of adoption with him. When he asks, it is because he has been told to do so, if he brings it up, tell him that it is between the adults. I would seriously be looking for an attorney in the county that has jurisdiction over this case, and be looking to remove my son from the psychological abuse he is enduring. He does not understand that this is only on paper, but has been told so, and believes it. If there is ever a fight worth fighting, it is for our children. This poor excuse for a mother has involved her son in a fight against his own father, and it’s not even about custody, it’s only about control.

Is there a parenting plan, and does your son visit you? Has the mother kept with the parenting plan, or has she frustrated the relationship between you and your son? These are important questions that you do not to answer here, just to yourself. There is no greater gift in this world than being a parent, and for someone to try and take that from you the only response they should receive is fierce opposition, and a swift trip to the courthouse. I would make sure I filed first. I understand in a way what you are going through. I was in a two year custody battle with my ex in-laws after my wife became ill and unable to care for herself. It was a fierce and expensive battle, but I would do it a thousand times over to retain my right to raise my children.
As I said in my first response, I would try to steer more and more of the communications between you and your ex toward emails. A phone conversation is your word against her’s. I would also write back and forth to your son, send some pictures through email for him to see as a way to initiate discussion through email. This seems sneaky, but it is only because they will not come right out and admit in court what they are doing.

my03mazda's picture
my03mazda

UNLESS you sign over your rights.....the other guy can NOT adopt your son!! Are you willing to sign over your rights? If so then he can. If not then he can't. It's just wishful thinking on his end. Tell him to wish for something else.