amwoerz257's picture
amwoerz257

12 year old step daughter hates me

Fiance and I have been together for going on 6 years. Children 12 (girl) and 14 (boy). I had great realtionships with both until about 1 1/2 years ago. Relationship fell apart with fsd. Relationship with fss is still great. There has been no improvment despite anything I try. She absolutely wants nothing to do with me. Won't walk to me, ignores me and in general hates me being around. She only speaks to me if I speak to her first. Sometimes she flat out ignores me. I do not know what to do. I know I should not take things personal, but there are times I just am not strong enough not to. FH thinks I need to be the bigger person as the adult and give her time and space. He basically doesn't want to deal with the issue and hopes it goes away. His lack of care for my feelings and helping is starting to affect our relationship and I don't want that.
Need help! Any advice would be gratly appreciated.
Thanks!



bucknerbe's picture
bucknerbe

I have two step-children myself and have been with my husband for 8 years now. I think alot of your problem is probably coming from your future husband. Coming into a family is hard enough, but if he is not going to help and support you with the daughter it's going to be impossible. He has to show her that she has to treat you better, if this continues and nothing is done or said about it, it will only get worse. I have a great relationship with my step daughter but I've always had my husband to back me and I'm sure you love them all but if he doesn't help you on this issue you'll be miserable once married. Also, you may want to think about if you have children of your own one day do you really want them to learn from the step-daughters example how to treat you? I think u need to have a long talk with the future hubby and then the two of you need to talk to her and explain that this will not be allowed behavior and will not be accepted and try to get to bottom of why she is doing it. She may feel like she's loosing her father to you or that your trying to be her mother, etc. who knows. good luck